I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
