I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
