Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
are you so shy because you have an std?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
