ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
