Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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