I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
