the condom got lost in my hair
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize