Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
