You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
