I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
