I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
