I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
