I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
