then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
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I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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