We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
