there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
