There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
