I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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