I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
