Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just found a bag of teeth...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
