they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
