It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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