Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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