you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just want nice things and good sex
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
