I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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