Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
