farters have to be the big spoon...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
