The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Vodka?
Forever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
