Someone shit on the floor
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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