we have officially lost it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
