Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
