im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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