dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
