Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
