he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
