so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
ok first of all what the fuck
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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