im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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