my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
