so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
