i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
