I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
