I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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