It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
