I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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