I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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