i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
