Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize