i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
