I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Let's get the cat blown out
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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