I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
