Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Randomize
