So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
