what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
