Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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