I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
