So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
As shirtless as possible
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
