Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
