I like to think it a success when the cops are called
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
