I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
