You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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