HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
