Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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