If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
