So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
