I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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