i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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