I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
