We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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