update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
