are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
