Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just cut my nipple shaving
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
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I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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