Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
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Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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