yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
