after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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