i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
