you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
