Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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