Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
