I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
