My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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