trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
