I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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