Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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