I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
